I have a friend who’s a photographer; a very artistic one to say the least.  I’ve noticed he likes to capture personalities.  Whether he is shooting a landscape, building, or human being, he tends to present it in a thematic way that depicts certain aspects of its character.

I helped him in a photo shoot about dreaming once before, and it was a really cool experience, so when he asked me to do another, I jumped at the opportunity.  This time I would be portraying the dark side of Tinker Bell’s personality (and yes it is “Tinker Bell”…she hates it when people spell it “Tinkerbell”).  As I was prancing about like a three-year-old in the bright green dress ,and sinister, yet dainty black wings he’d gotten for the spread, I began to wonder.

“Chesley,”  I asked cocking my head sideways, still channeling my enter toddler, “why did you want me to play your Tinker Bell?”

“Who better to play her than you?”  He chuckled and exchanged a knowing glance with my husband.

“Why?”  I asked sincerely, having not yet pondered the inner-workings of the fairy.

“Well, she’s little and troubled…spunky too,”  he replied as if this were a no-brainer.

I wasn’t sure if I should be offended that my friend thought of me as troubled, or delighted he found me the spunky brand of cute he needed to portray the minxy cartoon.  However, like it or lump it, I know myself, and he was right.  I’m almost always saying rowdy things and getting away with it because I’m small with blonde hair. Was this my inner Tinks?  Typical behavior from me, I had to research her.

I soon discovered this make-believe character practically was me.  I think I adore her more than Marilyn…First of all, there’s her size. Outside of Neverland, someone only five feet flat, stretching her hardest to get there, is about the size of a fairy.  I was also drawn like her; with a small waist and overemphasized hips I hate when gazing in a mirror…I’ve also been told this shape is part of my spunk, but I’d shave a little off the backside if I could.  One of the greater similarities though, is not a physical one.  Psychologically, we share a brain.  We jump from extreme to extreme, declaring hopes and dreams, and death and despair in the same breath.  We know there is something fabulous about us in there somewhere, and we shine everywhere we go in our own way.  However we also know, our voice is quite small, and we’re always prone to accidents.  We’ve grown accustom to pitching fits just to be heard, and deep down we wonder if our kind of brightness is just not the right kind somehow.  We flutter quickly from determination to deterioration…and it’s all in how we were made…troubled by design I suppose.

Tinker Bell’s creator, J.M. Berry says about her, “Tink was not all bad: or, rather, she was all bad just now, but on the other hand, sometimes she was all good.  Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one feeling only at a time.  They are, however, allowed to change, only it must be a complete change.”

I can’t help but think of this analysis when it comes to my writing.  I either think there’s no chance I won’t get picked up, or I think no one in their right mind would take me on.  I bounce from pole to pole, much like my little green and yellow alter-ego.

Regardless of the outcome though, like Tinks pines for her Peter Pan, I will pine for literature.  I will long for it to wrap me in its pages and wear only my words forever.  I will be bitterly jealous of all other best-sellers like Tinker Bell was of “Wendy-birds.”  I will be a menace to literary agents, and anyone else really, to get my name out.  I won’t stop chirping and flying about.  I’ll make my small voice heard, by using all of my power to bust out of the small house I used to believe I was bound to.

There’s a book, a delightful little book, called Lady Coddington’s Fairy Book.  It depicts fairies caught in mid-air, and pressed in between pages like rare butterflies.  It’s a bit of a tragedy for these whimsical beings, but for me, pressed in between those pages, I would be home.  Until then, I shall remain the sinister fairy, chasing her Peter Pan.  If mindset has anything to with it, the pictures should come out great.

See my links page for more on this. 🙂